My mind is a wellspring of terribly useless but often interesting facts. Can I recall them when they may be of use? No. Can they be deleted or displaced in favor of more crucial and necessary information? Also no. And yet, I carry on—a walking stack of coping mechanisms for unmedicated and untreated ADHD. But enough about that, let’s begin.

George Washington, Winston Churchill, Dwight Eisenhower, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew McKinley. Five completely random names, one of which, coincidentally, is mine. It has been said that some are born great, while others have greatness thrust upon them. However, it seems no one is thrusting their greatness upon me. But enough about that, let’s begin.

I rose to power in the fall of 1985, having cast off the shackles of the umbilical. At that time, still quite young for my age, I was born. Shortly thereafter, I was informed that infants cannot conquer the world, and so I didn’t. I’d been a rule follower my entire life up til then, after all. But enough about that, let’s begin.

These days, I manage and operate a single-household family, alongside my wife, Brittany, and our two daughters. In a house full of women, I find it necessary to overmasculate things, just to maintain the balance. This is why I drive two cars at once and always take my tacos without lettuce. But enough about that, let’s begin.

I was brought onto the Outsiders team because I quote memes and movies so quickly that people think I’m actually funny. I also read my Bible regularly, which makes me a prime candidate for a podcast about theology. But that’s enough about that…

Let’s begin.

In all seriousness, I love the Lord, my wife and girls, I love these guys that I do this podcast with, and I love worshipping, whether leading my fellow brothers and sisters with music or just doing my normal day to the glory of God. Thank you for coming to check us out, thanks for listening, and we love you.